Me, 11 years young. / Abby Carlisle (i am his daughter )Read >>
Me, 11 years young. / Abby Carlisle (i am his daughter )
Hello :) My name is Abby. I am Jefferson Carlisle's daughter. I am now 11 years young, and still miss my father deeply. Though I do not go through as much emotion thinking about my father as much as others may, it may be because i was only aware of him, and go to visit him days out of my 6 year life knowing him. My mother took me away from his guidance, and brought me to live with her. As we moved so many places, and I had so many other men who lived with my mother, I only had one father. Yes, I knew at the time that mother and father were upset with eachother, and pulled away vagourously every day. They were together for a short period of time. I hardly remember my father, but every time i spent short hours with him, i still remember those little hours. Then, those were the best hours out of my day. When my father was gone, I did not know what to expect. Of course I cried, my face was red and tears could have formed rivers, but still i did not mourn as much as others dd, because even though I was his daughter, I knew him the shortest time. Out of my 6 years of living, I could say that the days i got to seehim could add up to 3 and a half years. The fact that he died 2 years before my 7th birthday didn't really matter to me at the time, but going to the viewing on birthday was a little bit odd. My father had an noumous since of humor, thoughts came to his mind that no normal person could actually process through their minds. He loved me dearly, with all of his heat. To know that I was one of the things tht made him want to be sober makes me feel like a life saver, and I always carry it around with me. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if he were alive. I guess he would have gotten to see Ansley, my 4 year old cousin, butI call her my sister. As far as she nows, I am her sister. But yet, he would be in bad shape, feeling sad, and wishing I was with him. But he would make these huge dreams, as in coming to live close to me, getting totally sober, and i still believe he could have done that. I just have a hard time. My grandmother has written a book about her life, gtting to know about dad and I, and her ex- husband Bill and about how he died. It is very interesting. Its is called "Forget The Hurt RememberThe Hope, A Memoir Of Endurance." Thank you,
Happy Birthday to Abby / Mom
Today is Abby's tenth birthday and it just doesn't feel right not to have you here. I remember when you were ten. It was the last time you had your Daddy to look up to and love. The next year when you turned 11, he was gone and your life was never the same again. We are all trying to keep Abby happy and well adjusted, but I know that there are some tings that only you could say and do for her and I know that she misses you as we all do. Oct. 29 represents so many events in our lives. It was the day that your daddy and I got married in 1967. It was the day that Abby was born in 1997 and it was the day of your funeral in 2004. Two happy events and one profoundly sad one. I wish I could erase that day from my mind, but with Abby here to remind me of the happy times, I will be just fine. I want all of her birthdays to be filled with joy.Close
Missing you / Mom
Hi Son, I thought of you Sunday when Billy, Betsey and their families were here for my birthday. It was almost like having all of my children and grandchildren here. But not quite. And it never will be again. I'll never be able to say that all of my children were here because you will always be gone. I hate this feeling of something missing. You and Conner not being with the rest of us is so hurtful. I've almost finished my book. I keep reworking the part about you, because I feel that there's so much more I want to say, but I'm having a hard time saying it. It comes out sounding like I repeat myself constantly and can't get to the heart of it. I wanted so much for you in this life and I feel like such a failure because you didn't get it. Close
Sadly, Betsey lost the baby. She will try again when she can. We are sad, but hopeful that she will be able to get pregnant again. We've learned acceptance and must continue to accept whatever comes our way. I miss you, my sweet boy. I think of you every day.
New baby coming / Mom
Guess what! Your sister is going to have another baby. That will make two more babies since we lost you. I can't believe that you aren't here to enjoy all of these children - Dylan, Davis, Ansley and now another new baby coming. Of course, Abby and Drew and Lauren were always your "heart", especially your own little Abby. she's not so little any more. She is growing into a beautiful and talented young lady. She is playing the guitar and writing her own music to sing along. You would be busting your buttons with pride if you could see her. My heart is still so full of love and pain when I think of you. I have to stay busy and not let it take me to a dark and sad place. I know you are not sad any more, so I mustn't be either. Close
Father's Day / Rosemary Sis Of Alvin Cremeans Read >>
Father's Day / Rosemary Sis Of Alvin Cremeans
Happy Father's Day Jefferson. love to your children, Rosemary sis of Alvin Cremeans
Billy's Birthday / Mom
Hi Sweetie, Today is Billy's birthday. He was my Mother's Day baby. I thought of you on Mother's Day and knew I would have gotten a call and a card if you could have done it. You were always so thoughtful about special days. Today you would have already called Billy to tell him happy birthday and I imagine you'd be trying to think of something to make him laugh. You are missed more than you will ever know. You just never realized how much we all lived for your happiness. It hurts me so not to be able to check with you to see how you are feeling and tell you how much I love you. But, I guess I have to believe that you have found peace and you are fine. What else can I do? I would go crazy if I didn't have a little valve in my head and heart to turn off the pain from time to time. Close
this was my dad.beautiful.absolutely beautiful.but..as it is hard to see, he was not happy.now you notice how he wanted to change himself. on and on he went about how much he cared about everbody and wished that he could just leave so everyone would not have to worry about him. the worrying about him part is true. we always worried ourselves about him.disgusting was the name of what he went through. an absolutley disgusting sad life. jesus, i mean your dad dying, starting liqouir when you are not even a teenager...12 that is. wow. i have just been thinking about him on and on and on. well...that is what people get as a lesson that never seems to go away.
Fun memories / Mom
Yesterday I got a new mini van with a "cool" radio. You'll be glad to know that from now on, I don't have to "guess" at the names of the rock groups who are singing, I can just look at the dash and see the name of the song and who is singing it. Remember how you were teaching me to recognize the different rock groups? Eventhough I had lived through the creation of most of them, I wasn't into rock, but you sure were. At first I hated having to be subjected to what I considered "screaming", but now I listen and try to remember what you told me. I miss you so much and wish you could teach me more. I'm even beginning to like the music. Actually I had already begun to accept it before you died. I had to. My radio was always on rock when you were in the car. I have a cd that you made and I still don't know the names of the songs on it. Maybe I'll get Billy to tell me someday. It's just not the same without you. Close
Warmest wishes for a blessed and happy St. Patrick's Day / Janet (Mom To Nicholas Piccolo) (Friend)Read >>
Warmest wishes for a blessed and happy St. Patrick's Day / Janet (Mom To Nicholas Piccolo) (Friend)
God bless. All my love & prayers Close
Tomorrow we (Billy and family, Betsey and family, Abby, Gary and I) are all going on a family trip to the mountains. But you will be there, too, because we're taking games and we're taking cameras and we're taking you in our hearts. When we are all together, your absence is felt so strongly, so I think of you and of how much you would be enjoying a family trip. I long to have you with us and I know that I can't, but I want you to know that you were wrong when you said that "everyone could just go on with their lives" if you were no longer here. My life goes on, but without you, it will never be the same. You were and will continue to be a special part of my life, my son.
I started out thinking of Betsey today, since it is her birthday. I was checking Conner's website and learned your mom had created this site for you. Before I read what others had to say, I was thinking about how much you used to make me laugh. That certainly seems to be a common thread when people think about you. I remember all the silly games you used to come up with and how Betsey and I were often the "victims" of your elaborate creativity. You obviously brought a lot of laughter and joy to others lives - more than I am sure you ever realized. The guilt associated with addiction tends to overshadow the positive things in people's lives. I hope you know we all remember the funny Jeff not the addicted Jeff. We all remember the good things about you, and we will always miss you.
Sister's birthday / Mom
Today is your sister's birthday. I remember the day I brought her home from the hospital. Billy was 3 and a half and you were just one year old. Billy was excited to have a little "sissy", but you just wanted mommy to hold you and soothe you. You were still just a baby yourself. You grew to love little sister, though. And as the years went on I guess she went from being the buddy that you played with and picked on to the person you would go to for advice. You always admired Betsey and you put her on a pedestal - sometimes it was hard for her to maintain her balance way up there. But you always knew that she had the values and standards that you wanted for your own child. They were the ones that were instilled in all three of you, but were undermined by addiction in your case. So today, say a happy birthday to Betsey and do something to make her smile as she goes about her business of taking care of your child. Close
A Special Thank You! / Carol Pizzi (Angel Debbie's Mom )Read >>
A Special Thank You! / Carol Pizzi (Angel Debbie's Mom )
Jeff, I wanted to thank you for sharing your wonderful Mom with us. Sandee, Thank you for helping me to keep Debbie's memory alive. It brought much comfort during this difficult time. I will continue to remember Jeff always. Much love, Carol
i know the pain / Sally Vanwinkle
thank you for lighting a candle for my son ronnie vanwinkle. i am so sorry for the loss of your son jeff. i was moved to tears reading the story about him. i am here if you ever need someone to talk too. you can email me at ronniesmom7@yahoo.com. take care and you are in my thoughts and prayers. sally, mom to ronnie Close
Thinking of Jeff and his dear loving family / Teri Drebit (Jaime's Mom) (^i^ Mom )Read >>
Thinking of Jeff and his dear loving family / Teri Drebit (Jaime's Mom) (^i^ Mom )
Tributes and Condolences
beautiful.absolutely beautiful.but..as it is hard to see, he was not happy.now you notice how he wanted to change himself. on and on he went about how much he cared about everbody and wished that he could just leave so everyone would not have to worry about him. the worrying about him part is true. we always worried ourselves about him.disgusting was the name of what he went through. an absolutley disgusting sad life. jesus, i mean your dad dying, starting liqouir when you are not even a teenager...12 that is. wow. i have just been thinking about him on and on and on. well...that is what people get as a lesson that never seems to go away.
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