This memorial website was created in the memory of our loved one, Jefferson Carlisle who was born in Georgia on December 10, 1969 and passed away on October 27, 2004 at the age of 34. We will remember him forever. 
On the last day of Jeff's life, I watched him as he walked outside and sat on a bench and just looked around.  He walked to his car and then back inside the house.  It was obvious that something was on his mind.  I thought I knew what it might be.  The same thing that had plagued him for many years - addiction.  He didn't want to be an addict, but he was.  He fought for sobriety and went in and out of rehabilitation centers and recovery areas trying to find a way to overcome the dreaded disease or whatever form of hell addiction is.  I'm not a doctor.  I'm a mother who watched her son in pain for years.  He wanted to be like everyone else.  He wanted to be able to sit around with his brother and his friends and have a beer and watch TV and not end up in jail.  But he wasn't like them and when he started to drink, he frequently ended up in jail or out on the streets looking for drugs to boost the high that was never high enough.

October 26, 2004, he left the house and came back a couple of times.  The last time was about 10:00PM.  He walked to my bedroom door and told me that he was going to call the rehab that I had been recommending when he got up the next day.  I told him how happy that made me and to go to bed and sleep so he could start over once again the next day.  I had hope that he would find the sobriety that he sought for so long.  I felt totally relaxed and safe.  He was in his room - not out on the streets.  I slept feeling that all was good with the world.

The next day, I went out to shop for his daughter's birthday presents and when I returned, I tried to be quiet and let him sleep as long as he wanted to.  I wanted him to be rested when he came down so that he, my husband, Gary, and I could sit quietly and lovingly give him the support he would need to go away once again.  The hardest part of recovery for Jeff was having to be away from his family. For me, it was both good and bad.  It was good knowing or at least feeling that he was in a safe place and gaining the strength he would need to make it in a "sober society".  But, I wanted him with us - with his brother, his sister, his neice and nephews and most of all his daughter. 

As it got later, I began to realize that I had not heard Jeff moving around at all.  I hadn't thought much about it, because I was busy doing things in the house.  But the more I thought about it, the more I began to panic.  I told my husband to come with me and go and check on him.  I walked up the stairs to his room, calling his name.  I got louder as I approached and saw that he was not moving at all.  He looked very peaceful, just lying on his side like he always did.  I reached down and touched his shoulder and knew immediately that he was dead.  I ran downstairs and grabbed the phone and called 911 knowing that it would do no good. Gary stayed upstairs trying to rouse him, but I was sure that he was gone.  I have never in my life been so devastated.  My hope for his future was crushed.  No longer could I try to help him to find the life he so wanted.  

Everyone talks about heaven.  But we don't really know what heaven is.  Some of you think you do.  I hope you are right.  I only know that it's a place that is housing my son, his father and his nephew and many other loved ones of mine.  So, just being that makes it a special place.   I hope that Jeff and Bill and Tommy, Robert, Ansley, and Max are having a ball.  Maybe Jeff is able to relax with the men and not have to worry about addiciton any more.  Maybe he's playing with Conner and some of the other sma babies who reside in that place called heaven.

I'm here to watch over his little girl and our other loved ones.  Some day I'll join him.  But in the meantime, I'll try to keep his memory alive here and in the hearts of all who knew and loved him.

The beautiful background song was written and performed for Jeff by his lovely and talented friend, Kara Hickey.  She captured the true "essence" of Jeff.  He was indeed "Sweet Carlisle".

Join me in remembering and share any memories you may have of him.  It'll mean alot to Abby and to the rest of us. Aslo, please look up Jeff's nephew's website at memory-of.com.  http://conner-riggs.memory-of.com

The Book that I wrote, "Forgetting the Hurt, Remember the Hope" is now available on Amazon.com. Or you may view it on the following link:

http://outskirtspress.com/forgettingthehurt